


stuck in stories - I'll be around

by ardat_yakshi_stole_my_cookie



Series: stuck in stories - stuck in reverse one-shot collection [6]
Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, lots of softness, mentions of nightmares and loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27524797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ardat_yakshi_stole_my_cookie/pseuds/ardat_yakshi_stole_my_cookie
Summary: //“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. Try telling me that you’re fine or it’s nothing though, and I will toss you from that cliff,” he said as the corner of his lips twitched into a half-smile.(this is basically chapter 5.5 of Stuck in Reverse series)
Relationships: Neil/Reader
Series: stuck in stories - stuck in reverse one-shot collection [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972327
Kudos: 5





	stuck in stories - I'll be around

**Author's Note:**

> Someone asked me what happened after the panic attack from chapter 4 of Stuck in Reverse series, because Neil would want to make sure that Reader is okay, wouldn't he?
> 
> This is it.
> 
> Events take place few hours after the ending of part 5. 
> 
> (song: Garret Kato - I'll be around)

Another sleepless night.

It was different this time though. To be fair, how could you sleep after what had happened? 

You didn’t have enough time to process the events of last night. A part of you was scared it might have been yet another dream; your brain’s twisted attempt to make amends for the nightmare which made you spiral into a panic attack in the van. 

The fire flickering in the blue eyes. Neil’s forehead pressed to yours. His arms wrapped around you tightly, not willing to let you go ever again. That kiss. And how both of you had lost yourselves in that moment. 

You smiled as your legs carried you to the spot you’d watched the sunset from the day before. _You would know for sure later_. Right then you were too tired to think, but too afraid to fall asleep, so there you were at the cliffs again, just before dawn. You rolled out your sleeping bag on the ground and sat down, watching the fading stars as the sky became brighter with every minute.

When the first rays of sunshine were about to reach the mountaintops at the other side of the valley, you heard footsteps.

“Tea?”

You scoffed, glancing over your shoulder. 

_Of course._

“Thank you, but how did you know where to find me?” you asked, reaching for a thermal cup.

“Had a feeling,” Neil shrugged, his lips curled in a knowing smirk. “Scoot over.”

You moved to the side, allowing him to kneel on the sleeping bag right next to you. 

Your eyes met as each of you tried to find answers in one another - was it all true? Or was it just a moment of weakness? 

_Dumbasses_.

When you both realized how mutual those doubts were, you started laughing.

“Oh, come here,” Neil grinned as he leaned your way, kissing you softly and sealing your new reality.

You chuckled against his lips, blinking away happy tears that made their way to the corner of your eyes. Your heart was singing in your chest. Neil wrapped one arm around your shoulders, shifting into a more comfortable position beside you as he pulled you closer. 

You took a sip from your cup, snuggling to his side. “Why did you choose tea over coffee though?” 

“I thought you may want to sleep for a few hours when we get back to the camp,” he said and gave you a warm smile. “You haven’t slept tonight, have you?”

You sighed. 

Neil’s hand was slowly rubbing your arm. “That’s what I thought,” he hummed. “So when I asked you if those sleepless nights happen often…?”

You could feel your body getting tense, and that was enough to let him know that you hadn’t been honest with him back then. Even though it made sense at that time - you’d just met after a decade of not talking to each other, and it hadn’t seemed like a proper occasion to unload all your problems on him. Still, you were embarrassed he caught you on a lie that easily.

“I just didn’t want you to worry,” you mumbled, fastening your gaze on your laps.

“I know,” said Neil, setting his cup aside. He put his hand under your chin and lifted it gently so he could look at your face. “But I worry when I don’t know what is going on with you. _Especially_ if I can clearly see that something bothers you.” He placed a small kiss on your forehead and his eyes lit up. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. Try telling me that you’re _fine_ or it’s _nothing_ though, and I will toss you from that cliff,” he said as the corner of his lips twitched into a half-smile.

You snorted and rolled your eyes. 

_At least he wasn’t mad at you._

You took a deep breath and started talking. As the sunlight slowly poured into the valley, you told him about your nightmares. How most of the nights you were forced to face your fallen teammates. About the crippling guilt from not being good enough or prepared enough to save them. And that every time you wanted to apologize for letting them down but you couldn’t.

With every sentence, it was getting harder and harder to breathe. When you started trembling, Neil shifted himself so he could hold you in his arms, his legs framing you on the sides. He took your hands and laced his fingers with yours.

At first, you barely felt any of that. You were too lost in your own head, sharing the memories of the nights when you were too afraid to fall asleep. And how you knew all that sleep deprivation made you prone to repeating your mistakes and risking even more lives. But slowly, with every stroke of Neil’s thumbs on your fingers, with his chest heaving steadily against your back, your breath leveled out; the warmth and safety of his embrace grounding you in the present.

Finally, you ran out of words. You pulled your hands to your chest, nestling inside Neil’s arms. He pecked your shoulder and pressed his cheek to your temple. For the next few moments, you sat in silence; taking in the views, the peacefulness of the early morning, the comfort of being close to each other.

“It’s impossible to prepare for everything, you know. Even if we try, some things will always be out of our hands.”

You sighed. “It doesn’t make it easier.” 

“I know, love,” said Neil softly, nuzzling your hair. “Still, it’s good to have that thought at the back of your mind.”

You nodded, exhaling slowly. _Easier said than done._ One thing is to _know_ something, the other thing is to _feel_ it, and that’s what you’d been struggling with the most. He was right though, and you appreciated the reminder. 

“What about the panic attacks?”

“They happen from time to time,” you said. “Most of them at night, when my guard is down. That one in the van…,” - you winced at the memory - “God, I can’t remember the last time it happened with people around, probably that’s what made it so much worse.”

“Does every nightmare trigger them?”

You shrugged. “No, not really.”

“What was different, then?”

You hesitated for a moment. _Should you tell him?_

“My brain decided to spice it with a little game of _what if_ ,” you said bitterly. The image of the blue eyes behind the mask flashed in your mind, making you squeeze Neil’s fingers, still intertwined with yours. 

As if he could sense what was going on in your head, Neil wrapped his arms around you even tighter. “What a jerk,” he huffed into your ear.

“Yeah.”

Neil shifted to your side. As you turned his way, you met his worried eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” A sad smile, combined with his furrowed brows and his lips pressed into a thin line, gave you a hint at how helpless he felt right then. He moved closer and grazed your cheek with his knuckles. “If there is anything I can do…”

“Thank you,” you said softly. “You being there for me-… it means the world.” You brushed a strand of hair from his forehead and gently ran your fingers along his features. “And you’re helping already.” 

A shade of smile on your face made Neil’s eyes light up. 

Those playful sparks were one of the only things in the whole world able to untie every knot in your stomach in mere seconds. You stifled a chuckle as you caught his gaze lingering on your lips. You tugged on his jacket. A little giggle escaped his mouth just before he kissed you, wiping away all the leftover numbness from your heart.

You stayed on the cliffs for a little while longer. 

On your way back to the camp, Neil got lost in his thoughts.

“How do you know they are judging you?”

That question caught you by surprise. You raised your eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“Your teammates… How are you so sure? You said they are just standing there.” He tilted his head as studied your expression. “What if it’s not why they are there, and it’s your guilty conscience’s fault you read it that way?”

You opened your mouth to answer but you hesitated. 

It felt as if that one sentence kicked your brain off the rails. 

You weren’t sure if he was right, but for that moment, it was enough to unlock new paths in your mind. 

Neil shrugged lightly and gave you a half-smile.

“Something to think about.”


End file.
